Wizdomme Pages


D/s Help & Info

The "Newbie Pack"


Our Top Ten Suggestions for Pursuing a Safe and Sane D/s Relationship
by MisterCAC and Snowbabie


Note: We wrote this with female subs in mind, but it also applies to male subs.

  1. Take everything out of your profile [or internet logon ID] that could allow someone to contact you in real life. This includes your real name, your real location, any school references, etc. Some people can be very resourceful with very little information.

  2. Do not give out your full name, phone number, or real address to someone until you can get at least three positive references for that person. Try to seek them independently, ask around.

    Also, past subs are often good people to talk to concerning a Dom. If you get a bad recommendation, consider it seriously and pursue even more references.

  3. Look for another sub to help mentor you. A sub understands a lot of what you are going through and has no hidden motives (eg, s/he isn't going to try to seduce you.)

    Many Doms are more than willing to befriend you because they know that is how to get to a sub -- if he befriends you, you feel obligated...

  4. If you do not already have it, contact someone to get the D/s information packet that has been put together for people new to the scene. It has a variety of resources and is an excellent way to get started (groups on line, reading material list, etc.) We didn't put this together but either of us would be happy to send you a copy if you ask for it.

  5. Do not call someone until you have at least three positive references for that person. With all the technology available, it is possible for someone to get your number if you call them. Don't assume that you calling them is a safe bet.

  6. A Dom can NOT demand you give him information that you do not want to give out. Do not be mislead by a Dom who says you must give him information because he is a Dom or because you are a sub. A good sub is safe and smart, not blindly obedient.

  7. Do not meet someone in real life until you have at least five positive references for that person. There is no need to rush into anything. If he is a good Dom, he will be more than willing to wait till you are sure of your safety. In fact, he should give you suggestions on how to insure your safety.

    However, you need to be the one to make the arrangements, such as have a person who knows where you will be at all times, and a contact person to call at a preset time during the meeting.

  8. Always have a first meeting in PUBLIC and preferably with another person accompanying you. They don't have to sit at the table with you, but should be near at hand should something go wrong and/or to walk you to your car.

  9. Do not engage in any D/s or sexual activity during your first meeting. That first meeting should be to get to know one another, discuss ideas about D/s, set limits, etc. There is no need to rush into anything. A good Dom will take the time to get to know you and make sure there is good communication before any D/s takes place.

  10. Above all else GO SLOW AND USE COMMON SENSE!!!!!
D/s can be obsessively exciting for a new sub and consequently there is a tendency to think with something other than your brain. Before you do ANYTHING, give yourself time to think and be rational.

Submission should be an intelligent choice, not a sexual frenzy.

And talk to other subs -- learn from our mistakes, benefit from our experience; there is no need to reinvent the wheel.


These files are presented for general information only and are not meant to be a "how-to" guide.
As with anything, what works for someone else may or may not work for you.
Use common sense when exploring new relationships of any type.



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