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BDSM Humor

Some Submissive Types Often Seen Online
By LappTopp aka "K"

Poor-Me Sub
This "sub" always has something going wrong in her life. Of course, it is never her fault... she is always being played upon and victimized by others. If only she found the *perfect* dom, her life would be problem-free and forever-blissful.
  • Favorite IM to send: Will you be my dom, sir? I am just a helpless little subbie.
  • Favorite IM to receive: Just do what I say, slave!
Just-Do-Me Sub
This "sub" just wants to be beaten. It doesn't really matter by who, or what... as long as he (I use "he" here because these are typically male) can feel the lash. Frequently misbehaving on purpose, this sub can drive a dom *crazy*.
  • Favorite IM to send: I have been naughty and need to be punished. Spank me now, Mistress!
  • Favorite IM to receive: You are a bad sub and need to be punished! Bend over!
Barbie Sub
This "sub" just likes the way she looks in leather fashions. She is afraid of the whip, and has never seen a clamp in her life. Her favorite store is "Dream Dresser", and her whole paycheck is spent there each week.
  • Favorite IM to send: Would you like to know what I am wearing, sir?
  • Favorite IM to receive: What are you wearing?
He-Hurt-Me Sub
This "sub", without any negotiations, talk of limits or safewords, rushes out to a country cabin to to play with a dom she met 2 days ago online. After letting him tie her up and whip her, she decides he is a menace to society, and can't wait to tell all her "sub" friends he is a "BAD dom".
  • Favorite IM to send: Subsis, I need to pass on a warning to you!
  • Favorite IM to receive: My poor subsis, you have got to warn everyone about this creep!
I-Just-Need-a-Man Sub
This "sub", after exhausting all her singles bar and healthclub meeting places, decides that the D/s world would be a good place to meet a *man*. She really has no interest in D/s, she just needs someone to spend the rest of her life with. She is a close relative of Poor-Me Sub. Amazingly, when she "gets her dom," she suddenly looses interest in any type of sex.
  • Favorite IM to send: Sir, will you take care of me forever?
  • Favorite IM to receive: I have always dreamed of having a large family.
No-One-Can-Top-Me Sub
This "sub" longs to submit, yet claims no dom is strong enough to top her. Some say she is really just a domme in disguise.
  • Favorite IM to send: Think you are strong enough to put me in my place, jerk?
  • Favorite IM to receive: No, Mistress, I am really just a weak and helpless slave. :::falling to the floor and kissing your boots:::
Submission-is-the-Greatest-Gift Sub
This submissive has stars in her eyes and naivete in her heart. She swoons at the mere thought of a dom, any dom, asking her to pass the salt. She writes her dom's name in the corner of her notebook with little hearts and flowers around it. She declares that there is no better way to love than through submission, and that d/s is a "better" and "higher" manner of loving than anything a silly old vanilla person might do. She lives on an emotional roller-coaster, sentimental enough to cry when seeing a long-distance phone company commercial.
  • Favorite IM to send: You are all of life to me, there is nothing about life worthwhile without you.
  • Favorite IM to receive: I am everything you'll ever want or need, and I'll protect you from everything.

© 1997, 1998 LappTopp@aol.com
All rights to this original work are retained by the author, LappTopp, and may not be reproduced without written permission. Permission to publish here was granted by the author.

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