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BDSM Humor

The BDSM Lies
by Jay Wiseman, Lady Green, Glen the Paramedic and Dale the Actress. (This "sanitized" version by GlitterOne)

The Great Lies of BDSM (and a few others)...

...that we tell straight people:
  1. It's a fashion statement
  2. It's for a crafts project
  3. I fell off my bicycle
...that we tell each other:
  1. I've never even fantasized about doing that
  2. I just do this for fun. I don't need it
  3. Mistress, I'll do anything you want
...that we tell ourselves:
  1. I'm normal
  2. I always stop when I feel genuine anger
  3. I only play with people I respect
  4. I'm doing this for healthy reasons
...that dominant men tell submissive women:
  1. I think of women as equals
  2. I have a healthy relationship with my mother
  3. I truly believe that it takes a strong woman to submit
...that submissive women tell dominant men:
  1. I don't have any unresolved issues regarding my father
  2. It's enough to serve you, Master. I don't need to get off
  3. I really want you to be in charge
  4. I love it when you ejaculate in my mouth
  5. Licking your feet and bottom really turns me on
  6. I like your pot belly
  7. You own me body and soul
...that submissive men tell dominant women:
  1. I'll do anything you want
  2. I exist only to serve you
  3. I don't care about getting off
  4. I regard women as superior beings
  5. You're beautiful to me
  6. I really get off on doing housework for you
  7. My wife knows that I do this
...that dominant women tell submissive men:
  1. I basically like men
  2. Wearing high heels makes me feel more powerful
  3. I can't top anybody who doesn't turn me on
  4. I never switch
  5. I love giving golden showers
...that we tell vanilla prospective play partners:
  1. It's not pain. It's just strong sensation
  2. This is fundamentally a nurturing activity
  3. Submission is empowering
  4. You need to explore this side of yourself
...that dominant women tell each other:
  1. I have the perfect slave
  2. I feel that you and I are part of a Sisterhood
  3. I can stay in top space while I'm "receiving"
...that submissive women tell each other:
  1. My Master takes good care of me
  2. I'm not really an exhibitionist
  3. I don't feel competitive towards other submissives
  4. It's OK with me if you play with my Master
...that dominant, heterosexual men tell each other:
  1. My slave never says no to me
  2. Some of my best friends are submissive men
  3. When I watch you play at a party, I don't secretly hope that you'll screw up and everyone will notice
  4. I can still be dominant after I've had an orgasm
...that submissive, heterosexual men tell each other:
  1. The most important thing is to serve the Mistress
  2. I never tell her what to do
  3. I've never gone to a professional Mistress
  4. I love it when my Mistress won't let me come for days
  5. I don't think my Mistress is fat
  6. I don't mind that you can take more pain than I can
  7. I really believe that my mission in life is to serve women
  8. I really like going down on my Mistress during her period
...that bi switches tell each other:
  1. I truly don't care which gender I play with
  2. I'm not at all homophobic
  3. I separate sex from SM
  4. Being bi is the best of both worlds
  5. I only play with people I feel intimate with
  6. I only play with other switches
...that professional Mistresses tell each other:
  1. Business is good
  2. I never have sex with a client
  3. Business is bad
  4. I always stick to my specialty and refer out clients who want other things
  5. I'd do this even if I wasn't getting paid
  6. I never need to bottom
  7. I'm always in control of the session
  8. I'm a good businesswoman
  9. My lover doesn't mind that I do this
  10. It was my choice to leave my last straight job
And, finally, the three great lies that vanilla people tell SM people:
  1. Hearing about this doesn't shock me
  2. I know other people who are into this
  3. We negotiate everything too

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